coitus conundrum
by lia200304
Summary: Reposted! Read my reason in first chapter! Penny is pregnant and she doesnt know who the father is...It is either Sheldons or Leonards! Doing editing of chapters to make it a T rating
1. Chapter 1

**The Coitus Conundrum**

**An: Sorry about deleting this, I got freaked out when I was informed that I was causing problems for the mods here! I will be editting stuff to make this T at least so If you caught the hot chapter in the car, well that will be editted much! Sorry! Lol This popped into my head as I was doing dishes a while back. I will not give away the pairing. Enjoy! I guess this will take place after Sheldon gets with Amy.**

**Rated T**

Penny and Bernadette were at the hospital. Penny has been getting sick every morning for the last two weeks. Even during work she would get sick. So Bernadette decided to take her to the hospital to see what is wrong. Penny protested the whole time there but knew it was useless to argue with her. If Bernadette can stand up to Howard's mom, then you don't mess with Bernadette. Penny sighs

"Do we really have to be here? I don't like hospitals. I am sure it's just the flu!"

"The flu doesn't last two weeks Penny. This is more serious! Now sit and be good."

Penny shifts in her seat. All around her were moms with sick kids and infants. She sighs again.

_'____If it isn't the flu I am sure to get it now surrounded by all these sick kids.__'_

Finally the nurse called her back and Bernadette gave her a thumbs up. Penny got her blood pressure done and the usual. The nurse left alone and penny had a moment alone.

_'__I hope this isn't the flu but if it isn't the flu I hope it isn't something worse. Sheldon would just ban me from the apartment forever if it was worse than the flu.'_

Penny smiles at the thought of Sheldon having a fit and then frowns as a knock came on the door and a very cute doctor came in. He introduced himself as Doctor Simon.

"So miss penny what seems to be the problem?"

"Oh doctor I am fine. I just get sick only in the mornings. This has been going on for two weeks."

"Hm. I see. Um If you don't mind I would like to run a test on your urine."

"Um okay doctor. Whatever you say."

The doctor hands her a cup and she goes to the bathroom. As soon as she was done she was told to wait. She decided to look at all the pamphlets to pass the time. As she was about to pick up the one about colon Cancer, the doctor comes right in with a big smile on his face. Penny frowns.

"Well it is just as I thought we don't need to run any more test. Congrats Penny, You are pregnant!"

"Um excuse me?"

"You are pregnant Penny. About two weeks along. Congrats!"

"Um that can't be possible?!"

"It is ! I am sure you and the father to be will be- are you okay?"

"Yes…yes I am doctor. Thanks! Omg I am pregnant!"

"Now I will suggest you a doctor who you will need to see from now on. I unfortunately can't help you so here. Congrats again!"

Without a word, penny grabs the card and heads out the door. She makes her payment to the nurse before facing Bernadette. Bernadette noticed the far off look on her face and ushered her out. Once in Bernadette's car _(for they carpool when they work at the same time)_ she turns to penny.

"So what is the verdict?"

Penny starts to cry and mumbles something that Bernadette can't make out. Bernadette pulls her close and comforts penny. After 10 minutes, penny calms down.

"So what is wrong?"

"I am so screwed!"

"Why! Whats wrong Penny?"

"I am pregnant!"

"OMG congrats! That is fantastic news! Why so glum?"

"because I am going to hurt people I love with this baby"

"Why who's is it?"

"It is either Leonard's or-" Penny starts to cry again

"Who's the other guy? Come on Penny you can tell me"

"Or Sheldon's"

AN: DUN DUN DUN! Lol yes I am going there. Like I said sorry for deleting this! I will update once I do some editting! So stay tuned!


	2. Chapter 2

**__****An: Glad to be back with this story! :D I sadly made a mistake in the first chapter, Penny is 2 ½ weeks pregnant! Not 2! Sorry about that!**_** Oh and to the guest who wrote that I should leave Sheldon out of this, sorry but I will not. If you don't like it, don't read this! Plain and simple! Besides I don't even know if it is going to be a Lenny or Shenny story yet! Enjoy!**_

_**Rated: K (this chapter only)**_

Bernadette was in the kitchen making some ice tea. Penny was sitting on her couch shaking from the shock. She still couldn't believe she was pregnant! Bernadette counted her blessings that the guys were still working and wouldn't show up for a couple of hours. Bernadette put the cups on the table and Penny shakily grabbed her cups and took small sips of her tea. Bernadette waited till Penny was done drinking to ask her the all important question.

"Penny, care to tell me how could either Sheldon or Leonard that has gotten you pregnant?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now Bernie! I just can't believe this is happening!"

"I know it is a shock hun but In order to determine who the dad is, we need to go over what happened with who!"

"Please Bernie I don't want to talk about it! Please don't make me!"

"It would make you feel better hun and help you figure it out. So who's the dad?"

"Remember when Leonard won that contest for a romantic dinner for two and a one night stay at Hotel Hilton 3 weeks ago?"

"Yes I do! He was so excited!"

"Well to put it short, we had drunken sex without a condom,twice."

"I see. Um what about Sheldon? How did you get him to have sex with you? Please don't tell me it was with a turkey baster like he wanted?!"

"No no, nothing like that. Um remember that night he won a big award and had to give a speech?"

"How could I?! He was so nervous just like the last time."

"Yes well one of the guys spiked his drink, and you know Sheldon is when he drinks. So anyways, after you all left me with a drunken Sheldon, I managed to get him into the back seat of my car to drive us home. _From there, he wanted to do an experiment and it went from there. It was in the back seat of my car in an alley."_

Bernadette sat there, speechless. She had no idea what to say in this situation. Penny took the silence to mean that Bernadette was pitying her and started to cry again. Bernadette quickly grabbed her and hugged till the tears went away. Penny pulls away quickly and runs into her kitchen to look for something. Bernadette watched as she started to open cupboards and open her fridge looking for something important.

"What are you after Penny?"

"My bottle of white wine. Why do you want some?"

"Penny! you know you can't drink anymore. It is not good for the baby!"

"Screw that, I NEED A DRINK!"

Penny finds a bottle hidden under her small table island and starts to open it. As she starts to bring it to her lips, Bernadette runs with flash like speed and slaps the bottle out of her hands. It shatters on the floor. Penny watches it as some shards of glass fly off in different directions. Bernadette then grabs penny's shoulders and shakes her. Penny just stares at the mess on the floor.

"Penny what is the matter with you! I know this was an accident, but you can't drink anymore for the sake of your child!"

"My white wine…why…"

"Penny, look at me!"

Penny slowly turns her head to Bernadette. Her eyes are lifeless.

"I know you are scared right now, but that doesn't mean you need to drink and ruin what chance you have at being a mom! Now come on, I think you need a new change of scenery for a while. Go pack some clothes. I got to make a phone call."

Penny looks at her shattered bottle of wine before lifelessly walking into her room to pack. Bernie sighs and dials Howard's number. After 10 minutes of arguing, Howard agreed to stay with Raj while Penny stays at their house. Bernie sighs and hangs up. She finds the broom and dustpan and starts to clean up shattered glass and spilled white wine. After she was done, she wanders into Penny's room and finding Penny on the bed crying. Bernie crawled on the bed and hugged Penny. After 20 minutes, Penny stopped crying and turns to Bernie.

"Who did you call?"

"Howard. He is staying with Raj while you stayed with me for a while. I told him it was for a couple of days. When you have a couple of days away from here, you will figure out what to do. Now come on."

******Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

Howard hung up the phone with a sigh. He hated the fact that he was going to be away from his Fiance for a while but it seemed Important.

"Dude did she say why Penny was staying with her for a couple of days?"

"Nope she wouldn't say. But I am disappointed. If they do anything sexual, I won't be there to see it and record it for future reference!"

"Howard, seriously?! I doubt they would do that."

"Yea but think about it, they get a couple drinks in them and anything can happen!"

"May I remind you that we are still eating and I rather not hear about coitus!"

"Come on Sheldon. It's not that bad! Just because you are not getting any from Amy doesn't mean we can't talk about it! I only do it to see you squirm!"

"I rather not hear about your delusion's about Bernadette and Penny doing anything involving Coitus. Besides I don't want any from Amy anyways."

"Fine. So what are we up to tonight?"

"Well seeing as it is Thursday, It is '_anything can happen' _so what do you suggest?"

"I say we go to a Karaoke bar and do Karaoke!" suggest Raj

"And get the germs off of the mics that people press to their lips, I don't think so."

"Fine how about we spy on Penny and Bernie?"

"Howard, give it up! Only you are interested in seeing if anything can happen, which I doubt it will." Said Raj

"Spoilsports!"

"Moving on please."

"Well we could always do a Dungeons and Dragons session" suggests Leonard

"Great Idea Leonard! Who should be DM tonight?"

"Well I believe it is your turn Raj."

"Cool I will think of something awesome for tonight!"

"Good, we shall meet at the apartment later to play D&D and order pizza."

******Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

Penny sighed as she laid on the guest bed. Bernadette told her it was safe to use while she was here and she offered to get food for them. After arguing that she didn't want to eat anything and being told to, they agreed on Thai food. After she left, Penny searched the apartment for booze and couldn't find any. Plopping back on the bed, she was about to sleep when her phone goes off. She opens it to find a text from Leonard.

'_Hope you are okay and having fun with Bernadette. You are missing anything can happen night! Love Leonard'_

Penny throws her phone against the wall and cries herself to sleep. Bernadette comes back to find Penny asleep. Throwing a blanket on her, she was about to turn off the light when she noticed her phone on the floor. Picking it up and looking at the text, she sighs and shuts the phone off and turns off the light.

_**An: Okay so I know some of you are going to say that Drinking isn't going to hurt the child and while I did ask a lot of mothers about that and they said certain drinks you can still drink, I will go the route of no drinking at all. So I will have next chapter up either tomorrow next week! I have to do a lot of editing of that chapter to make it T rating! Lol Read and Review!**_


	3. Penny's dream and experiment

******Penny's dream and Schrodinger's cat**

******An: Here is the next chapter! I thought it was going to take me a while to do the editing but eh. It is Rated T so a lot will be missing. Enjoy!**

******Rated T**

The next night with a warm glass of milk thanks to Bernadette, Penny settled down for a nap, hopping that tonight will not be another night of remembering what happened with Sheldon. Sadly tonight will not be that night.

_**dreamdreamdreamdreamdreamdreamdream**_

_Penny looked at Sheldon's eyes. He somehow got her on top of him, in her car, in the backseat. Both were drunk thanks to their so called friends at this award ceremony. You think they would have learned from the last time he had to give a speech and they got him drunk, but no. Now she was trapped. As penny was in a state of shock, he took that time to wrap his long arms around penny, pressing her against her chest. Penny gasped and tried to wiggle free, but soon stopped when she realized that Sheldon has a good grip on her, and something was poking her in her right thigh. Penny stopped and looked at Sheldon with wide eyes. He smirked._

"_Penny I want hic to propose an hic an experiment."_

"_What kind of experiment?"_

"_The experiment hic of Schrodinger's cat."_

"_And why would you want to do that experiment?"_

"_I need to know."_

"_Know what."_

"_You will see"_

_Penny looks him straight in the eye to tell him no and to order him to let her go before she goes 'Junior rodeo' on his ass, but the look he gave her one told her to accept. His eyes were fierce and had a look of pure lust. She never saw him look at her that way before and it makes panties wet. Penny sighs._

"_Sure why not Shelly. Let's get this over with."_

_Penny leans over to align her face with Sheldon's and hovers for a second before pushing her lips against Sheldon's._

_'____Holy crap on a cracker! Wow the cat is really, really alive!'_

_'____Just as I thought, the cat is alive.'_

_After a minute or so, Penny tries to stop kissing Sheldon but Sheldon tightens his hold on her with one arm and the other arm grabs her head to hold it in place. He pushed his lips harder against Penny's and she whimpered. Sheldon took that whimper to try to open her mouth and try to stick his tongue in penny's mouth. Penny gasped as his tongue probed her mouth._

_'____oh my god! The cat is feral! Man I am getting really wet.'_

_Penny shifts and suddenly feels that Sheldon is really hard as a rock. Penny gasps as she can feel how long and hard Sheldon is._

_'____Man what they say about men with big hands is true. Good god. Oh now I want him'_

_Penny pulls free from Sheldon's grasp to look at him before unbuttoning his tux shirt. Once opening it, she realizes that he still has hair on his chest. Penny leans down and licks from his belly button to the beginning of his matted hair. Sheldon groans and wiggles as this is very ticklish for him. Penny leans back up and starts to grind herself slowly against Sheldon. The friction between the both of them makes them gasp out loud in unison. Sheldon starts to thrust his hips a little and it makes penny groan even more. They do this for at least 10 minutes before penny has enough. Penny sits up a little and moves Sheldon's hands to the zipper in the back of her black dress. Without a word, penny directs Sheldon to unzip her. Penny grabs it by the skirt and lifts it over her head. Sheldon's eyes get wide at the black see through bra and the see through, crotch less panties. Penny smirks and grinds herself against Sheldon again. Sheldon groans._

"_So Sheldon. Do you want to continue or had you enough of the experiment?"_

"_Penny, Penny, Penny I do believe that the experiment is not over. Please continue."_

"_That is what I was thinking also Sheldon. Now get ready for the best part of this experiment."_

_Penny tries to close the door but because Sheldon is so tall, his legs hang out of the car. Shrugging and hoping that no one can see them, Penny starts to take off Sheldon's pants. Once that was done, she threw their clothes out the door and without word, she aligned with Sheldon's penis and impales herself on it. Both groan at the contact. Penny wanted to call on her other persona for this, but because this is Sheldon's first time, she takes it slow as she slowly begins to ride Sheldon. At first it was a steady, slow pace but Sheldon got impatient and grabbed her hips and started to thrust faster and harder into Penny. After 10 minutes, both screamed each others name as they came. Penny slides off Sheldon and lays on his chest panting. After catching her breath, Penny looks at Sheldon with a wild smile._

"_So how did the experiment go?"_

"_I do believe we have great results. Now what do we do? I don't know the protocol and I don't think you are able to drive."_

"_Hm, We can sleep in the car here, since it is dark enough that no one would see us for a while. We can tell our friends that we went to a local hotel, got separate rooms and spent the night. No one can know about this experiment!"_

"_Agreed! Good night Penny and thanks."_

"_No problem Shelly bean"_

_**pennyawakesuplalalalalalalala**_

Penny wakes up in a sweat. She knew it was fruitless to sleep now. Penny got out of bed and went to the full length mirror and lifted up her shirt. There was no bump yet, but she knew there was going to be one soon and how much this was going to hurt her friends. Silent tears started to fall from her face to the white carpet, making a small wet spot. Penny looked up at the moon and cried even harder.

"What have I done?!"

**An: Yep here is the chapter that needed loads of editing. Sorry! If you want to unedited version, PM me and I will give you the link but you must be over 18 for the site is for Adults only and it has the next chapter already uploaded! Read and Review please!**


End file.
